New President Alex Bryan Promises Full Scholarships to Walla Walla Students Who Get Married By Christmas

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Newly appointed Walla Walla University president Dr. Alex Bryan is wasting no time making his mark on the Adventist school. In a move that has students buzzing, Bryan announced today that WWU students who get married before Christmas will receive a full tuition scholarship for their remaining years.

“As a proud product of Adventist education myself, I know how much our parents value our unique selling point,” Bryan proclaimed. “What better way to pour gas on the fire than by offering a financial incentive to become one heart, one ASAP?” 

“We’ve always joked that you’re basically single when you start at WWU and a soccer mom by senior year,” said current junior Britney Ellison, 20. “This new scholarship made things real! I’ve already gotten 14 marriage proposals today from desperate theology majors trying to lock it down.”

The GetHitched policy will take effect for the 2024-2025 academic year. Qualifying couples must submit proof of marriage before financial aid dispersion each semester.

Adventist dating experts predict an avalanche of cuffing season engagements as students scramble to secure romantic prospects. “I give it four weeks before tuxedo rentals are booked out through 2025,” said one jaded RA.

 


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