New York, N. Y. – Fitness giant Peloton has expanded its home exercise offerings to include what it calls its “fanciest workout yet.”
The Pathfinder fancy drill routines are taught by marchers from the world’s top Pathfinder clubs and feature the song “Oh, We Are The Pathfinders Strong” playing on repeat.
Warmups and cool downs involve stretching and recitation of the Pathfinder Pledge and Law.
Participants are warned that any mistakes during the infuriatingly confusing routines mean they have to “drop and do 20 pushups.”
For fitness enthusiasts eager to look the part, Peloton has partnered with Pathfinders International to create “super-breathable” drill uniforms, complete with pre-patched sashes featuring “all the hardest honors.”
You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.