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So now you know how to date like an Adventist, but where do you FIND one in the first place? Adventists are a shy people that tend to stick to themselves in large groups, making it hard to single one out from the herd. But with the right know-how*, it is possible to hunt one down. After some exhaustive research and extensive hearsay collection, BarelyAdventist presents its field guide to bagging an Adventist of your very own. (*Note: BarelyAdventist does not guarantee the following tips ensure an Adventist mate. Unfortunately, having a good personality counts for quite a lot, too.)
Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.
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In slide # 3, you omitted the teachers, all levels. Bad move, Bro. I’ve seen some really cool chicks at a teachers’ convention, seminars, Andrews, Florida Hospital. Forget your local church. All are looking for a relationship. Really, most females go to college to get their MRS degree!! Just ask my wife!! Woe is me!!
M.R.S. = Masters in Religious Satire
A Seminary student at Andrews once told me they should offer something like “The Theology of Nursing.” That way you could better get the nursing class (mostly female) and the theoc’s (mostly male) together and overcome the “no peach,no preach” rule.
Why not cut to the chase with course on “Cross-Vocational Dating 101.” It would be open only to theology and nursing majors (and a few music-major coeds because pastors also need musicians). Instead of writing stuffy papers in the library, they would be required to do practicums.
Best place to snag a good hubby or wifey is to go to a young child’s birthday party, pick out a good one of the parents if there is money, these are seasoned parents, wives and husbands. No guessing as to their abilities
A slide is missing. It was supposed to be # 17: “Attend a Heritage Singers Concert” (or Del Delker, King’s Heralds, Jaime Jorge, or Steve Darmody concert). The more the better. Music has a way of making your heart flutter, especially the really heavy drumbeats and bass lines in the old Del Delker tunes. Remember to wear earplugs to avoid early-onset hearing loss.
Hey dude, number 16 is radical: Stop being so picky. That’s the key. As long as he’s on the SDA membership rolls and is still breathing, take him!
I didn’t go to an SDA college like I’d planned, don’t live in an Adventist mecca, & don’t work in an Adventist institution, so I had to resort to #7. Witnessed to my lapsed-Catholic co-worker before & after we started dating. He got baptized and we were married a year later. Now after almost 4 years & 1 baby, we’re still going strong 🙂
“All is well that ends well,” but it often doesn’t end well. Kids, don’t try # 7 at home.
The 14th tip is crazy. Forget being a youth pastor. Try being a rich businessman. Tons of Adventist women will come crawling out of the woodwork if you’re rich.
We stand corrected!
How did I end up number one on this list? Oh, this was posted a long time ago! Here’s the update based on my experience.. I want to enroll in that class. I see a few cute chicks. Number 3 in very correct. In #5, this is for the wild bunch. Can’t do # 8. Too many heads bowed. All in a prayer mode. No looking! #9-do you want to yoked unequally? Then go for # 9. #16 is me. I’m picky. My spouse is more picky. Life is just yucky/ducky. Keep on Keepin’ on. I’m gonna go back to my padded room.Woe iz me.
Richard, say hello to your wife. But if you ever leave her, you might be able to snag another Adventist: yours truly. You and I have a lot in common: we are both confined to padded cells. Sevvy should have put that on his list: “meet someone in a padded cell.”
How can I send you a flat $25 contribution? I don’t want to pay monthly.