Things That Scare Adventists

There are a few things that push the Adventist fear button HARD. Here are a few:

Date setting

It started with the Millerites and their Great Disappointment. Since then, Adventists have been deathly afraid of anyone else attempting to set the date for the Second Coming. Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped a number of fringey saints from assuming that they somehow have figured out the day and the hour.


For people that don’t believe in ghosts, we certainly are scared of them. That’s why we schedule Harvest Festivals and can collection around Halloween so that everyone’s calendar is filled up with non-trick-or-treaty things to do.

Getting caught at the mall during Sabbath

Unless you are distributing glow tracts you shouldn’t be anywhere close to the mall on the Sabbath.

not Finding “the One” in college
Both parents and their college kids dread the approach of graduation from an Adventist school without at least a promise ring in the picture. Tuition is expensive!!

leading the praise team

This can be a LOT of pressure. Especially if you are trying to teach the congregation a new song.

The papacy

Nothing gets the pope watchers going quite like any major announcement from the Vatican. Somewhere in there is a sign of the times.

Teaching Children’s Sabbath school

Nobody wants to help with this. Even at bigger churches. 

Time of trouble

Adventists should have a Left Behind-ish series called Time of Trouble. Our collective imaginations would make it a hit.

Being the only one that turns up for the church work beE

Not fun. You’re going to be there all day.

Sunday law

This one gets us going big time. Even a slight adjustment to Sunday store hours at the local supermarket can get some people in a tizzy.

Subliminal messaging in rock music

Those of us that grew up in the 80s and 90s remember the full-scaled war waged on rock music at every other youth meeting. The claims were vivid and varied. Now that rock is no longer cool most of us have moved on.


Except for the amazing creatives that attend Hollywood Seventh-day Adventist Church, Adventists love to demonize this entertainment capital. Except, of course, around the time Hacksaw Ridge had just come out.


Don’t get them (or at least wear sleeves) if you ever want to visit your Adventist grandparents.


Gossip juice!!!

Anything done by the United Nations

No matter WHAT the United Nations does, an Adventist conspiracy theorist will deem it suspect. 


Accusing an Adventist leader of being a Jesuit is a quick way to put that person on thin ice. It’s childish. Let’s agree to stop that kind of thing right now.


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


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