Wilson Sets Up Nominating Committee Of One To Replace Jackson

BFFs SILVER SPRING, Md. — Calling North American Division president Dan Jackson, his “brother from another mother,” General Conference President Ted Wilson acted quickly as Jackson’s official Read more […]

Report: Jackson’s Shoes Several Sizes Too Big For Most Candidates

COLUMBIA, Md. — A group of Loma Linda podiatrists has confirmed in a report released minutes ago that the shoes of North American Division President Dan Jackson are several sizes too big for Read more […]

NAD Seizes GC Canoe As Bible Camp Tensions Escalate

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Earlier today, a canoe flying the General Conference flag was seized by a North American Division kayak patrol that claimed the vessel had strayed into the NAD corner of Read more […]

Dan Jackson hit with gag order after being too honest at “Is This Thing On?” Q&A

SILVER SPRING, Md. — North American Division President Dan Jackson has been formally forbidden from making any public comments on behalf of the church by a formal General Conference gag order. The Read more […]

Dan Jackson kidnapped, held at undisclosed GC location

SILVER SPRING, Md. — North American Division President Dan Jackson went missing from work today after an early morning meeting. Initially NAD staff were not concerned, but after a couple of hours Read more […]

NAD runs away from home, lives in shack

Columbia, Md. — Earlier today, bleary-eyed leaders of the North American Division of the Seventh-day Adventist Church somberly surveyed a dilapidated structure in Columbia, Maryland that would Read more […]

General Conference suspends North American Division from decision making for supporting women

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have chosen to sanction the North American Division of the church for what GC leadership calls “disruptive Read more […]

North American Division cancels Trump construction contract for new headquarters

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists may be stuck in the General Conference building for longer than anticipated due to the cancellation of a construction Read more […]

North American Division to move into local Dave & Busters

SILVER SPRING, Md. — North American Division officials have revealed that their offices will be relocated from their present location in the General Conference building to the Dave & Busters Read more […]

Storm-devastated Adventist Canadian camp selected as World Time of Trouble Training HQ

FRASER VALLEY, BC — A two-day ice storm has devastated an Adventist-owned camp in Fraser Valley, British Columbia, reducing it to what Camp Director Petit Gerbile has likened to a “war Read more […]