image courtesy of campgroundsigns.com – click image for link
WEIMAR, Calif. — A ground-breaking technological development is taking Adventist communities around the world by storm. Adventist entrepreneurs introduced the iWade device to rave reviews in Adventist media ranging from Adventist World through 3ABN.
“What the device does is simple,” said Randy Sanderberg, the group’s spokesperson. “It uses laser beam technology to tell you whether a body of water is of Sabbath-appropriate wading depth. You will never accidentally swim on Sabbath again!”
The group’s Chief Technology Officer, Sheryl Miranda added, “You don’t even have to get in the water. Just point your iWade at the stream or pond in question and you’ll get a green light if the water is shallow enough to wade in. If it is too deep you get a red light and, as an added bonus, a tiny, harmless, electric shock.”
In addition, each iWade contains a handy yet discrete strap that can be fastened firmly right below the knee. “If water so much as laps at the strap, a police siren-style alarm will sound,” said Sanderberg.
“It’s absolutely amazing!” said Sandy Jones, one of the beta testers of the device. “It’s the biggest Adventist innovation since cornflakes! My family has not had one water-level related Sabbath fight since we started using iWade. As soon as it is officially released, I’m buying one for each of my relatives. It has changed our lives!”
The iWade has impressive battery power and can reportedly hold a charge for 13 Sabbaths straight. It will be priced at an affordable $39.99. The iWade will be available at all good ABC stores and a launch date is expected soon.
A second generation iWade is already in development which is rumored to be Facebook compatible. Analysts predict that it will include inbuilt functionality to allow your friends to discover all the wonderful wading spots you frequent. In addition, Sabbath swimmers can be photographed and tagged using the iWade 2’s mobile app so that Facebook friends can be duly warned of their cavalier frolicking.
Quick Reminder for the Comment Section: Every post on BarelyAdventist is satirical. As in, the news story you just read was not literally real. The “satrically Adventist” tag and the “About” section make that abundantly clear. This blog is written by committed Adventists that believe that humor is a great way to discuss Adventist culture and issues. This it not a place for hotheads. Rude, judgmental comments or other attacks will be deleted. On the other hand, if you feel you can contribute to the discussion in a constructive and friendly “inside voice”, then have at it!
Share this:
WHAT!!! HOW DATE YOU PROFANE THE SACRED NON-SWIMMING DOCTRINES OF OUR FOREFATHERS. RABBLE, RABBLE! RABBLE, RABBLE, RABBLE! Just kidding. Great post. I actually remember the “wading vs. swimming” debate being an issue in OUR family. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable swimming on sabbath, that’s fine, but I don’t appreciate when people use cultural traditions like this as grounds for judgment. It happens more often than it should.
just realized I wrote date instead of dare….. apologies. Not the same thing.
Great reply to a great post, lol snicker!
Awwww man!!! No more “accidentally” falling in anymore.
You could argue that the iWade device is jewelry and refuse to wear it. You could also accidentally leave it home. . .
I’m looking for investors to make an add-on app for the FitBit, Jawbone Up, and Nike Fuelband activity trackers so that they set off an alarm when you are nearing the limits of a Sabbath Day’s Journey…. Anyone willing to help out?
That sounds like a great investment!!
Randy, I’ll be sending you some of my treasured Monopoly Dollars just as soon as I dig them out of the safe that’s buried underneath my Pit Bull. 😀
And if you do find yourself about to ‘accidently’ fall in, this handy new app may be the solution to make sure none of your holy friends catch you out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-25554192
This goes together nicely with the Adventist alert app: http://youtu.be/Ou0LmIHMYHg
I believe the newest nonBiblical Sabbath swimming rule is it’s ok to do in an isolated place but never in a pool or public beach.
Awesome app! Now we need to make an iSweat app for all another Sabbath activities…;-)
Pingback: Brewery buys Adventist Hospital | BarelyAdventist
Is there a unit for dogs?
I know people who would purchase this if it were for real. Laughed til I cried!
What does it mean when your comment is ” awaiting moderation”?
It just means we review comments before we approve them per the comment guidelines above..
Now, if a chihuaha is running along the beach while you are wading on the Sabbath, and a wave comes along and pulls the chihuaha beyond its own wading limits, is it lawful to actually exceed the waving limits to go after the chihuaha or would it be more “Sabbathy” to kneel on the sand and pray for the chihuaha’s safe return?
ask the iWade support forum…
I believe this would fall under ” the ox in the ditch” or dog in the water drowning
Sounds like a slippery slope…
Can we look forward to one designed for the comfortable wear of our pets? Don’t want any of our dogs to accidentally go swimming on Sabbath. 😉
Pingback: Adventists Rescued as Practice Run for the Hills Goes Wrong | BarelyAdventist
LOL!!! ha ha ha LOL!!! ha ha ha LOL!!! ha ha ha LOL!!! ha ha ha LOL!!! ha ha ha LOL!!! ha ha ha LOL!!! ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!! It seem so unimportant now.
Frolicking:
Prancing around like a fool, basically skipping, but moving your hands around frantically, with high knees. Ideal for a drunken night out.. Also, to go frolicking in a field, skipping around, also, can link arms with someone and frolick together. -Urban Dictionary
I’m not sure what the fuss is about. Can’t we just walk on the water?
I think the chihuahua rescue is covered under the “ass in ditch” exclusion. Luke 14:5.
No swimming on the sabbath? I grew up being taught that we couldn’t wear our bathing suits on the sabbath.. but that didn’t keep me from skinny dipping!
Just discovered this site and enjoying it thoroughly!
As funny as this is, I could have used it when, as a young Pastor, I allowed a youth group at Monterrey Bay Academy to wade beyond the “acceptable” limit. The “sinful” incident got to the ears of the President of Northern California, to whose office I was called and told in no uncertain terms that I should have used better judgment than to let these impressionable youth do their “own pleasure” on the Sabbath. To say the least, I didn’t last long as a Pastor, as I could not put up with such nonsense.
Pingback: TractCannon – witnessing at the pull of a trigger | BarelyAdventist
Those who rely on public beaches or pools must still abstain from swimming on the Sabbath, but those who own lakeside property or backyard swimming pools can call it “family time.” This is really terrific because it keeps people in that income bracket from being offended and leaving the church.
So they need to make Painfully-Long-Self-Righteous-Prayer-Appropriate Games. Jesus said it was not right to pray and make a show of it, so I don’t think that those kinds of prayer are reverent, and there should be some form of entertainment to take your mind off the pain that has been tearing your knees apart for the last 10 minutes of prayer.
This site is awesome
What colors do they come in?