New i-Wade device takes the guesswork out of Sabbath water activity dilemmas

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WEIMAR, Calif. — A ground-breaking technological development is taking Adventist communities around the world by storm. Adventist entrepreneurs introduced the iWade device to rave reviews in Adventist media ranging from Adventist World through 3ABN.

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“What the device does is simple,” said Randy Sanderberg, the group’s spokesperson. “It uses laser beam technology to tell you whether a body of water is of Sabbath-appropriate wading depth.  You will never accidentally swim on Sabbath again!”

The group’s Chief Technology Officer, Sheryl Miranda added, “You don’t even have to get in the water.  Just point your iWade at the stream or pond in question and you’ll get a green light if the water is shallow enough to wade in.  If it is too deep you get a red light and, as an added bonus, a tiny, harmless, electric shock.”

In addition, each iWade contains a handy yet discrete strap that can be fastened firmly right below the knee.  “If water so much as laps at the strap, a police siren-style alarm will sound,” said Sanderberg.

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“It’s absolutely amazing!” said Sandy Jones, one of the beta testers of the device.  “It’s the biggest Adventist innovation since cornflakes! My family has not had one water-level related Sabbath fight since we started using iWade.  As soon as it is officially released, I’m buying one for each of my relatives.  It has changed our lives!”

The iWade has impressive battery power and can reportedly hold a charge for 13 Sabbaths straight.  It will be priced at an affordable $39.99.  The iWade will be available at all good ABC stores and a launch date is expected soon.

A second generation iWade is already in development which is rumored to be Facebook compatible.  Analysts predict that it will include inbuilt functionality to allow your friends to discover all the wonderful wading spots you frequent.  In addition, Sabbath swimmers can be photographed and tagged using the iWade 2’s mobile app so that Facebook friends can be duly warned of their cavalier frolicking.


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34 Comments

  1. WHAT!!! HOW DATE YOU PROFANE THE SACRED NON-SWIMMING DOCTRINES OF OUR FOREFATHERS. RABBLE, RABBLE! RABBLE, RABBLE, RABBLE! Just kidding. Great post. I actually remember the “wading vs. swimming” debate being an issue in OUR family. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable swimming on sabbath, that’s fine, but I don’t appreciate when people use cultural traditions like this as grounds for judgment. It happens more often than it should.

  2. Randy Beihl

    I’m looking for investors to make an add-on app for the FitBit, Jawbone Up, and Nike Fuelband activity trackers so that they set off an alarm when you are nearing the limits of a Sabbath Day’s Journey…. Anyone willing to help out?

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  4. HSC

    Now, if a chihuaha is running along the beach while you are wading on the Sabbath, and a wave comes along and pulls the chihuaha beyond its own wading limits, is it lawful to actually exceed the waving limits to go after the chihuaha or would it be more “Sabbathy” to kneel on the sand and pray for the chihuaha’s safe return?

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  6. ???

    Frolicking:
    Prancing around like a fool, basically skipping, but moving your hands around frantically, with high knees. Ideal for a drunken night out.. Also, to go frolicking in a field, skipping around, also, can link arms with someone and frolick together. -Urban Dictionary

  7. As funny as this is, I could have used it when, as a young Pastor, I allowed a youth group at Monterrey Bay Academy to wade beyond the “acceptable” limit. The “sinful” incident got to the ears of the President of Northern California, to whose office I was called and told in no uncertain terms that I should have used better judgment than to let these impressionable youth do their “own pleasure” on the Sabbath. To say the least, I didn’t last long as a Pastor, as I could not put up with such nonsense.

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  9. Rosemary

    Those who rely on public beaches or pools must still abstain from swimming on the Sabbath, but those who own lakeside property or backyard swimming pools can call it “family time.” This is really terrific because it keeps people in that income bracket from being offended and leaving the church.

  10. Dr. Candy

    So they need to make Painfully-Long-Self-Righteous-Prayer-Appropriate Games. Jesus said it was not right to pray and make a show of it, so I don’t think that those kinds of prayer are reverent, and there should be some form of entertainment to take your mind off the pain that has been tearing your knees apart for the last 10 minutes of prayer.

    This site is awesome

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