Saturday, December 7, 2024

Andrews University reinstates gender-specific sidewalks

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The seminary building -  a training ground for future leaders and creepy dates
The seminary building — a training ground for future leaders and creepy daters

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Andrews University administrators have taken the unexpected step of reintroducing gender-specific sidewalks. Exclusively male and female sidewalks were commonplace in the early decades of what was then called Emmanuel Missionary College.

“This is a precautionary step,” explained Campus Safety Director, Ed Mulligan.  “We have heard too many stories of single, male seminarians approaching our female students on the way to class.  It may seem harmless the first few times but these guys are always asking for a date and things are getting uncomfortable.”

The new system of sidewalks will feature the Andrews University colors: gold for females and blue for males.  “Extra campus safety officers will be stationed at any and every sidewalk intersection to ensure that no seminarians bother our students on the way to class,” said Mulligan.

“I fought this decision long and hard,” says seminary professor Antonio Bruno, PhD.  “We should not fault the seminarians for their behavior.  There is incredible pressure on them to get married before they are hired and many of them see Andrews as their last legitimate dating pool.”

Undergraduate women disagree: “We are so happy that administration has saved us from those creeps, ” said Janet Brent, an officer of “No Way,” an all-female organization boasting 1,000 student members that have been protesting seminarian dating tactics for years.

In an “Andrews ALL” email, campus safety explained that the decision to segregate the Andrews sidewalk experience is not meant to completely remove the option of co-ed journeys to and from class.  Special co-ed sidewalks will soon be approved on a case by case basis with the understanding that those who use them plan for travel delays due to traffic congestion at Seminary intersections.


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