COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — Walla Walla University’s Campus Safety officers have all failed newly-tightened federal background checks for pepper spray canister owners. The department was forced to surrender its entire supply of spray this morning.
Officers are reportedly furious about losing what department spokesperson, Veggie Kahp called “our arsenal.” Kahp warned that just because Campus Safety has been deprived of pink canisters “doesn’t mean we have lost our enthusiasm for speed traps or for writing you a parking ticket for absolutely no good reason.”
Kahp said the department has vowed to challenge background test criteria that included “unrelated matters such as donut consumption history and love for fake cop badges.” He added that, for now, the force will be armed with “high capacity super soakers until this injustice can be addressed in court.”
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