SILVER SPRING, MD – The North American Division of the Seventh-day Adventist Church has declared next Saturday as the first annual “Pray For Jon Bon Jovi’s Vocal Cords Day.” All Adventists across the division’s territories are being called upon to unite in fervent petition for the full healing of rock legend Jon Bon Jovi’s vocal cords after surgery.
“We were deeply troubled when we learned of Brother Bon Jovi’s challenging recovery,” stated NAD President G. Alexander Bryant. “As a church, we have no choice but to encircle this mighty voice with our prayers.”
The directive, approved by an emergency session of the NAD Executive Committee, mandates that all mid-morning sermon times next Sabbath be devoted solely to passionate supplication on behalf of the iconic singer’s impaired pipes. Choristers have been instructed to prepare rousing renditions of “Livin’ on a Prayer” to raise the spiritual pitch.
“Jon’s gritty wails have inspired generations to rock their souls for Jesus,” Bryant proclaimed. “If the Lord is able to part the Red Sea, surely He can resurrect Bon Jovi’s vocals from their current Dead or Alive status.”
Should the Adventist intercessions prove efficacious in restoring Bon Jovi’s legendary throat power, the expressed hope is that he will donate his talents to leading the some 1.2 million North American church members in praise that truly rocks this world.
“We would be tremendously blessed to have such a passionate voice directing our hymns,” Bryant enthused. “With Bon Jovi on vocals, our sanctuaries will be saying ‘Whoa, we’re halfway there’ towards true reverence!”
In the interim, Adventist young people are being encouraged to tirelessly “Work For the Working Man” by upholding the rocker in their prayers day and night.
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