7 People to Avoid in Your Church Lobby

Church lobbies can be perilous places if you walk into them without a solid game plan. BarelyAdventist has compiled the following definitive list of people you merely murmur “Happy Sabbath” to while rushing on to your next thing:

  1. The chair of the nominating committee. These people are all work and no play and probably want you to commit to two years of Tuesday night dishwashing after post-prayer meeting snacks. Beat them to the punch and volunteer for something you actually are gifted at.

   2. Retired former GC VIPs. They have never quite come to terms with the fact that they were not voted to another term. They will regale you with stories of past glories and strong opinions on agenda items from Annual Council that any normal person would not even know existed.

   3. Conspiracy theorists.
You know the type. They’ve updated the exact time of the Second Coming based on something the pope said last week. They will never get vaccinated for anything and see prophetic fulfillment in chemtrails.

   4. Your ex. Church romances can be great when they work out but breakups do happen and nothing is more awkward than chatting to someone with whom you’ve been on one too many vespers dates.

   5. The wannabe debate champ. This guy just wants to restate why what you said at Sabbath School last week is still unbiblical. He lives for disagreement and is never happier than when he can show you where you are wrong. 

   6. The outfit inspector. Regardless of what you wore to church, this person will find something too short, too loud or too something about it. 

   7. The EGW expert. Ellen herself would avoid this person like the plague.


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