Students protest as PUC fires faculty, hires robots

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ANGWIN, Calif. — Student protestors marched across the campus of Pacific Union College yesterday as the school’s administration announced the termination of all current faculty in favor of “fully-compliant” robots.

Amidst growing tensions between faculty and administration over the issue of academic freedom, the school year has already witnessed several high-profile faculty resignations in the Department of Psychology and Social Work.

The annoucement that all remaining faculty would be terminated, while not seen as a huge surprise, persuaded students to protest with STAND WITH PUC signs, demanding an explanation from administration.

Administration promised and delivered on a town hall meeting last night explaining the capabilities of what is described as a carefully vetted and approved crop of faculty robots, guaranteed never to elevate academic freedom or whole-person growth above sanctioned comfort zones.


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  1. Dave

    Well it’s about time. Way to much ‘freedom’ in the outrageous ideas some of the professors have. Freedom of thought and the entire gamut of thinking for yourself.

    Seems like they have taken the idea of “work out your own salvation…” to the extreme.

    How about SAU or AU following step?

  2. Ray Kraft


    Surely, a new generation of properly programmed Seventh Day Adventist Robotic Professors who will never stray a jot or a tittle away from The Adventist Message will train new generations of Adventist Humans to be just as loyal to orthodoxy as it is robotically possible to be.

    “Thinking” is always a potential sin, for thinking can lead to questioning the doctrines approved by the General Vatican Conference in Silver Spring, and we know the slightest deviation is, well, a step down the slippery slope to the Lake of Fire.

    And they’ll be cheaper, too. And the way things are going, it won’t be long before we’ll see the Robotic Heritage Singers!

    1. Stu Redman

      Nothing new. My high school Geometry teacher was quite robotic. Think of Dr Sheldon Cooper but 55 years old and 180 lbs. Never saw the class outright. Spent his time looking at the chalk board. Chalk board?? what’s that?

  3. E. G. Why

    “It is the work of true education to develop this power, to train the youth to be thinkers, and not mere reflectors of other men’s thought. Instead of confining their study to that which men have said or written, let students be directed … to the vast fields opened for research.” ~ E. G. White, Education, p. 17.

  4. Trumpty Dumpty

    I already have millions of them thar robots following me from rally to rally. The have no mind of their own; they just do and say whatever I program them to do. They are like puppets and I pull their strings. They are like ventriloquist dummies and I put words in their mouth. Heil Trump!

  5. Jorge Bergoglia

    The position of GC President is like an SDA Pope. Ironically, both have been vehemently opposed to Women’s Ordination and have taken an autocratic leadership style on that issue. Both “popes” are viewed as nearly infallible. The whole SDA hierarchy is like the Catholic hierarchy. Division presidents are like Vatican-based Cardinals. Union presidents are like field-based Cardinals. Conference presidents are like archbishops. Conference area leaders are like bishops. And the GC president is the Pope. The GC headquarters in Mary-land, is the Vatican, and tradition rules over the Bible. It is the GC Papacy. It is ironic that SDAs criticize the papacy so harshly, when the are actually so much alike.

  6. D.C. News

    Manhattan, NY.– Donald Trump announced today that he has selected his good friend Hellary Clinton as his Vice-Presidential running mate. His selection committee helper, Ben Carson, explained that Trump did not mind selecting an independent or a Democrat. In view of Trump’s announcement, Hellary has suspended her presidential campaign today, and issued a press release stating that she is honored to be Trump’s running mate. Thus, the race will be Trump/Clinton vs. Sanders/Batchelor. “I am delighted to have another chance to serve this great country,” gushed Hellary. “Trump has been one of my best friends for many years. Now let’s go and beat Bernie!”

  7. richard mills

    Them PUC students have far too much free time on their hands. Mommy & Daddy are sacrificing for youse guys to get an eddycation. Stop this goofing off. Hit the books. Make use of the liberry. Start reading some good books, like the SOP. Stop the nonsense. You make me the new President of PUC and youse guys will shape up or ship out to some other non SDA liberal school. I’ll bring my “board of education” and intend to use it! Woe iz me.

    1. Ryan Paul

      You go, Richard! Give ’em that “board of education” and they won’t even know what hit them! (All they’ll know is that they want to study harder to avoid a repeat of the administration of the “board of education” to the seat of wisdom). I say, Do it patriotically like my dad used to do: he laid down stripes and I saw stars!

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