Adventist church nappers to face mandatory rebaptism

Candidates for baptism.
Candidates for baptism.
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Claiming that Sabbath morning church services are starting to resemble a mass slumber party, Adventist church leadership announced formal punishments for repeat church nappers: Adventists found napping will face mandatory rebaptism.

“We are happy to overlook the first offence, but repeat snoozing in church is on the rise and congregational participation levels have taken a serious plunge,” said GC Director of Member Surveillance Nestor Cansado. He added the only logical sleep deterrent would be “the threat of a plunge into the baptismal pool.”

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Cansado added that as this form of rebaptism would hold no symbolic spiritual significance, churches couldĀ dispense with formalities like robed attire or warming up the baptismal water.


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2 Comments

  1. I don’t agree with adventists napping during the church service but who are they to say that they will punish those who are napping in the church? I think they too need rebaptism! You don’t enforce but rather rubuke people in a sermon. Let them come to God willingly, don’t control!

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