Email blast begs members not to encourage preacher to take his time

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — An urgent email blast was sent out to members of Berrien Lane Church this morning imploring members not to encourage this Sabbath’s divine service speaker to “take his time.”

Church secretary Lo Siento went to special lengths to remind the faithful that visiting preacher Abnu Rido had a proven track record of “eye-crossingly boring monologues that invariably go for well over an hour without any encouragement whatsoever.”

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Siento included sincere apologies from the pastoral team for inviting Rido to speak, saying they had been up against the wall with absolutely nobody available to preach this Sabbath.

Members were urged not to lie on the Sabbath when Rido looks up cheerfully at the 90-minute mark and asks if he has a few more minutes for one last point.

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  1. Is there any scriptural references as to the length of a Sabbath sermon? How long did Jesus preach on the Sabbath day? Just wondering. Noah preached 120 years. Just how long was his Sabbath sermon? Get over it! Sit & listen or just lay back in the pew and take the “rest”! Woe iz me!!

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