SILVER SPRING, Md. --- For a limited time only, inflatable Nebuchadnezzar statues are on sale at the General Conference bookstore for an exclusive baptized member price of $144.
Although store managers claimed not to know the day or the hour the sale would end, they told eager Adventist customers that the sale would be over in the blink of an eye.
"If your local church doesn't yet have an inflatable graven image to attract traffic during your prophecy campaigns, now is your chance," said GC Director of Prophecy Swag Pat Moss.
"There is nothing more inviting to the outside public than a scantily-glad, easily-inflatable Babylonian king statue swaying gently in the breeze in your church parking lot."
Moss issued a word of caution to churches wishing to purchase their graven images.
"Don't leave them standing overnight," said Moss. "These things have a history of being decimated by rolling rocks."