SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In the first Apple product endorsement in Seventh-day Adventist history, church leaders released a statement today extolling the virtues of the "perfectly numbered" iPhone 7.
The statement said that while Apple products were already extensively used by church administrators, no iPhone can compete with the "brilliant, biblical numbering of the iPhone 7."
While General Conference leaders added that the cool new dual lens and "weirdly misplaceable wireless earpods" were definite perks to the new iPhone, they could not "stress enough how much the number 7 means to us as Seventh-day Adventist smartphone users."
In other news, this Sabbath's offering will go to upgrading phone plans for leaders of the world church.