BREAKING NEWS
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A crowd of several thousand Andrews University students, staff, faculty and alumni gathered around what used to be the school’s Johnson Gymnasium this morning. University spokesperson Beaty Nekst explained to local media that the Andrews family had “come together to show their gratitude for the complete and utter destruction of Johnson gym by targeted tornado damage before dawn this morning.”
Staring at the rubble many in the crowd spoke of not being able to believe the good news when they heard it. “I have to admit that I was losing faith in the prospect of that eyesore of a building being torn down,” said visiting Loma Linda resident and faithful Andrews alumn, Edith Greenley.
Nekst said that although Andrews administrators were relieved that the early-morning destruction had not incurred human casualties, they shared Greenley’s sentiment. “As far as we know, Johnson gym was the ugliest building in Adventism,” said Nekst. “No longer will we have to re-route campus tours to avoid this side of campus.”
Nekst added that Andrews administrators were hoping “a hefty insurance payout will do what university fundraising has yet to achieve: pay for the much-anticipated Health and Wellness Center.”
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