BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — An urgent email blast was sent out to members of Berrien Lane Church this morning imploring members not to encourage this Sabbath’s divine service speaker to “take his time.”
Church secretary Lo Siento went to special lengths to remind the faithful that visiting preacher Abnu Rido had a proven track record of “eye-crossingly boring monologues that invariably go for well over an hour without any encouragement whatsoever.”
Siento included sincere apologies from the pastoral team for inviting Rido to speak, saying they had been up against the wall with absolutely nobody available to preach this Sabbath.
Members were urged not to lie on the Sabbath when Rido looks up cheerfully at the 90-minute mark and asks if he has a few more minutes for one last point.
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