In a display of pre-Sabbath gymnastics that would make even Ellen White raise an eyebrow, local Adventist John Doe has set a new personal record by showering, shaving, and changing in just 2.5 minutes before sundown last Friday.
Witnesses report that John, caught in a time crunch after a week of “urgent” potluck planning meetings, moved with the speed of 40 olympians on Red Bull. “One moment he was in his work clothes, the next he was Sabbath-ready,” marveled his wife, Jane. “It was like watching a miracle unfold, if miracles smelled vaguely of Old Spice and desperation.”
John attributes his success to years of practice and a deep commitment to honoring the Sabbath. “Preparation is key,” he said, while frantically combing his hair. “But sometimes life throws you a curveball. Or in this case, a fastball straight to the face.”
As for John, he’s grateful for the experience but hopes not to repeat it. “I’d rather not cut it that close again,” he chuckled, picking bits of shaving cream from his ear. “But it’s good to know I can rise to the occasion if needed.”
As the sun set on another Sabbath, John settled in for a well-deserved rest, blissfully unaware that he’d put his shirt on backwards and was still wearing one work sock.
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