LOMA LINDA, CA – Excitement swept through the Loma Linda Adventist community yesterday as word spread of a mysterious “cloud the size of a man’s hand” rising in the east. Local residents grabbed their binoculars, dusted off their hymnals, and texted their small groups: “It’s happening!”
However, the anticipation fizzled out faster than a New Year’s Daniel Fast when meteorologists confirmed the ominous formation was, in fact, just another blob of LA smog drifting over the San Bernardino mountains.
“I was ready to start singing ‘Lift Up the Trumpet,’” confessed one church member, “but then I caught a whiff and realized it was more ‘Lift Up the Air Filter.’”
Local pastors reported a surge in requests for last-minute Bible studies on the signs of the times, while several members sheepishly admitted to checking if their white robes still fit-just in case.
Church officials have since advised local Adventists to distinguish between apocalyptic clouds and air quality alerts, reminding everyone that while “every eye shall see Him,” not every cloud is worth getting out of bed for at 6 a.m.
