Local Adventist grandmother, Edna Pritchard, 87, proudly declared herself “woke” this Sabbath after a heated discussion at potluck about the youth’s obsession with trendy jargon. “I’ve been woke for decades,” Edna said, waving a spoonful of cashew roast over her plate. “My trusty wind-up alarm clock gets me up at 5 a.m. sharp every day—none of this snoozing nonsense you kids do with your fancy phones.”
When her grandson, Tyler, tried to explain that “woke” refers to social awareness rather than literal wakefulness, Edna was unfazed. “Oh, I’m aware, alright,” she retorted. “Aware that the world’s gone to pot since they stopped making clocks with a good, honest tick-tock. You can’t trust anything that doesn’t need winding.”
Fellow church members nodded in approval as Edna went on to credit her vintage clock for keeping her spiritually alert, too. “It’s like Ellen White said—early to bed, early to rise. That’s how I stay ready for the Second Coming. You think Jesus is going to wait for you to swipe ‘dismiss’ on your screen?”
Tyler later admitted defeat, muttering, “She’s got a point. That clock’s louder than a camp meeting revival.”
Meanwhile, Edna’s already planning to start a “Woke Adventist Seniors” club—membership requires owning a manual timepiece and a disdain for digital anything.
SPONSORED LINKS Follow @BarelyAdventist .
SPONSORED LINKS Follow @BarelyAdventist .
