SILVER SPRING, MD – The General Conference’s Biblical Research Institute (BRI) has released a formal statement interpreting the indefinite preemption of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” as a clear, providential sign that the time has come to shut down all late-night television.
According to the BRI, the nightly broadcasts are a “spiritual hazard of the highest order,” keeping God’s people from a proper bedtime and preventing them from waking for early morning devotional time.
Dr. Ronald Pringle, a senior research associate at the BRI, elaborated on the institute’s findings. “We have long been concerned that these nightly monologues serve as a worldly substitute for a proper Vespers service,” Dr. Pringle said, adding that late-night comedy is high in “spiritual gluten” and “unfermented humor.”
“The divine hand has been seen in this temporary cessation of worldly programming, and we must seize the opportunity,” he continued. “It is a clear call from Above to turn off the television, put away the screens, and instead dedicate those hours to prayer, Bible study, and preparing for the soon return of our Lord.”
The call has been met with mixed reactions, with some youth pastors expressing concern that “it’s hard enough to get kids to give up Fortnite, let alone Colbert’s wholesome jokes.”
❤️ Love BarelyAdventist? Support us on Patreon for as little as $1 per month
