“Ellen White was a product of her time.” The room goes quiet. Someone opens Selected Messages like a weapon. You have 12 seconds before the phrase “lesser light” is deployed.
“Maybe the investigative judgment isn’t the hill.” Instant faction split: the 1844 loyalists vs. the “we don’t talk about that in mixed company” crowd. The superintendent starts looking for the emergency hymn.
“Pork isn’t the point.” Health-message veteran
“Contemporary worship isn’t the mark of the beast.” Guitar people and organ people make eye contact across the circle. Someone mentions drums. It is too late.
BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.
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