GC Creates Mega Unions Because Church Needs More Committees

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a move that has Adventists everywhere scratching their heads, the General Conference has announced the creation of a new layer of bureaucracy to add to the already labyrinthine system of conferences, unions, and divisions that govern the Adventist Church.

The new layer, which will be called the “Mega Union,” is set to oversee the existing unions and will be staffed by a team of highly skilled bureaucrats who are experts in the art of bureaucratic jargon and double-speak.

Adventists are no strangers to bureaucracy. After all, we’ve got committees for everything from potluck planning to Sabbath School curriculum development. But even by Adventist standards, the Mega Union is set to be a behemoth of bureaucracy.

“It’s like the General Conference took a page out of the government’s book and decided to create more bureaucracy just for the fun of it,” quipped one Adventist pastor.

The Mega Union is being sold to Adventists as a way to increase accountability, streamline operations and “make our committees go out and multiply.”

“I’m pretty sure that we already have more paperwork than the IRS,” joked one church member. “Do we really need more bureaucracy in our lives?”

Others worry about the cost of creating and maintaining the Mega Union, especially given the church’s struggles with funding in recent years. “I can’t wait to see what new budget cuts will be necessary to pay for this,” said one church treasurer.

Despite the concerns, the General Conference is moving forward with its plans to create the Mega Union. “We believe that this new layer of bureaucracy is essential to the future of the Adventist Church,” said a spokesperson. “We need more committees. This will help us to bureaucratize our bureaucracy and ensure that all aspects of the church are thoroughly bureaucratized.”

Only time will tell whether the Mega Union will be a success or just another layer of bureaucratic red tape. But one thing is for sure: Adventists can look forward to more paperwork, more meetings, and more bureaucracy than ever before. As the saying goes, “Where there are two Adventists, there are three opinions… and five committees.”

 

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