Adventist Church orders membership to dress like Ellen and James White

The goal
The goal
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a push to present a “unified Adventist  look” to the outside world, Adventist leaders have ordered members to dress exactly like James and Ellen White.

Men have been asked to grow “truly magnificent James White-style beards” and both genders have been asked to shed modern dress for “Adventist pioneer garb that truly speaks to our unique identity as Seventh-day Adventists.”

A statement announcing the new denominational dress code claimed that Adventists no longer look “peculiar enough” in their mall-purchased clothing.

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To help facilitate compliance with the new dress code, ABC stores around the world will stock period-appropriate Victorian day dresses, EGW-approved red dresses, top hats, bonnets and frock coats.

Fake beards will be available for facial hair-challenged men.

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6 Comments

  1. Tali Bann

    With that beard, James looks almost like a Muslim terrorist. Adventist women should wear matching burqas and hijabs. Alternatively, they could wear canvas potato sacks with banana-leaf scarves over their head. They would finally look “peculiar” enough to prove that they have “The Truth.”

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