SILVER SPRING, Md. --- A new wedding-related edict was released from the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church today.
All new Adventist weddings will be forced to feature the fitting of a "perfectly-balanced wooden yoke" that the betrothed will need to wear when they are declared husband and wife.
To prove that they are equally yoked, the newly married couple will be required to exit during the recessional still wearing the yoke.
Any missteps or awkward wearing of the yoke will trigger an immediate 28-week course of yoked mobility instruction that church officials insist must take place before any honeymooning can occur.