Andrews University to relocate now that Muhammad Ali no longer lives nearby

Andrews University's most famous neighbor
Andrews University’s most famous neighbor
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Andrews University announced today that the school’s campus will be moving “now that Muhammad Ali no longer lives in Berrien Springs.”

Although the statement said that a new location has not yet been selected, Andrews spokesperson Meesha Waka said that the only reason the university had stayed in the sleepy southwest Michigan town for so long was that Ali had a residence in town and “living next to The Greatest gave us bragging rights entirely unique in Adventism.”

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Administration will commence the formal search for a new campus location next week. Waka admitted that the process would be difficult but that university leaders would seek to streamline the hunt spurred on by the boxing great’s own words: “I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and got into bed before the room was dark.”


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  1. Richard mills

    Who cares? Ali’s dubious background is questionable . Go check it out. Where would ANdrews move? Could consolidate with Notre Dame or AUC! If it ain’t broken don’t fix it. Woe iz me!

  2. I like the Andrews spokes-model’s name, “Meesha Waka.” Reminds me of the city of “Mishawaka” in Northern Indiana next to South Bend, not too far from Berrien Springs where The Greatest lived for several years. May he rest in peace.

  3. Jay Zee

    Hey Beyonce, I know. I’m on a social media fast, too. I’ll be live-tweeting about my fast from Twitter. I’ll also be updating my status constantly on Facebook to share my observations about fasting from Facebook. (I already kicked the habit of commenting on this site.)

  4. Ray Kraft

    Andrews should take a bold step to increase the profile of Adventist education. I propose moving to San Francisco, somewhere in between USCF Medical School and the (Catholic) University of San Francisco.

    Andrews University of San Franciso, has a nice ring, dontcha think?

    Then think expansion, growth, think big, the message to all the world, that’s what Donald Trump would say . . . Andrews University of Seattle, Andrews University of Los Angeles, Andrews University of Denver, Andrews University of Chicago, Andrews University of Miami, Andrews University of Boston, Andrews University of Salt Lake City, Andrews University of Las Vegas, and so forth.

    Andrews University of Moscow . . . Andrews University of Peking . . .

  5. Ray Kraft

    Andrews University could even partner up . . . Andrews Trump University.

    Maybe even Andrews President Trump Memorial University, he’ll be open to having a memorial university named after him the day he gets elected. Maybe he’ll pitch in a few bucks!

  6. Ray Kraft

    Or maybe Andrews Muhammed Ali Memorial University, I like that too.

    I mean, we already have the Ellen G. White Memorial Hospital, so why not expand on the idea?

    • richard mills

      Yo, Ray-We could include a degree in pugilistic persuits. Put a square circle in that fine arts building there. Have a student vs faculty tournaments. Village interests vs students. Local church administration vs anybody who will take the dare. Alumni, etc. You hire me as the marketing & PR agent and I will bring big bucks to Berrien Springs. Free Little Debbies to the first 10,000 ticket holders.
      Bobble head dolls around graduation time. My mind is just spinning with ideas. Woe iz me!!!!!!!!

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