Adventist church cool with gay people as long as they’re not gay about it

The Capetown Conference - A Straight Success
The Capetown Conference – A Straight Success
CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Affirmed in our Straighthood, the first-ever Adventist conference on alternative sexualities, was held in mid-March this year.  It was attended by almost 350 delegates from all over the world.

After the conference, the church released a statement that read in part: “As rough as it is living in a world where gay people have been given rights, we are completely committed to technically loving the gays but fully hating on everything about them.  We pray that gay grandsons will not be born to any conference president so that we will not be forced to dig further into Biblical truth on the matter.”

All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

Students and faculty at a number of Adventist college campuses have begun to wonder about just how biblically-balanced and intellectually honest the church’s statement is. Questions asked include:

“Is the practice of homosexuality in a loving, monogamous marriage contrary to God’s will?”

“Do the Biblical texts that address homosexuality say what Adventists have historically interpreted them to say?”

“Does the concept of progressive revelation apply to our understanding of homosexuality?  Should our understanding of homosexuality evolve like the positions of Adventists have done historically on issues like the trinity and salvation by faith?”

Despite the questions, church administrators are staying optimistic.  “Let’s be positive and focus on what DID work in Cape Town,” said David Chapman, chair of the logistics committee. “Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!”

“This is a model we should use as we discuss every controversial topic going forward,” said Percy Baker, a member of the Affirmed in our Straighthood programming committee.  “Invite nobody that disagrees and decide the outcome ahead of time!’ he said, starting an ultra-straight sequence of somber yet meaningful high-fives around the table.

“If you are gay, we still love you.  Just don’t act gay,” said Chapman.  “Pathfinders has wonderful marching lessons and any Amish tailor can get you into some looser outfits.  And honestly, we don’t need grown men doing our flower arrangements for church.  That’s why we have deaconesses.”

“The bottom line is that no sin is greater than any other; it’s just that this one can get you disfellowshipped,” added Baker.



  1. Mary18

    I think this is a difficult top to laugh at ourselves about, because society has taken it so far. It is quite the hot topic in politics and Christians who hold to a biblical standard on the issue are labelled as bigots and non-tolerant. I think the bottom line is the bottom line, sin is sin, and it’s really nice that we Adventists say we love ALL people, but some sin and some people, we don’t love enough to fellowship with them. We all need to find a way to truly show love, even when we disagree about really important issues. Jesus didn’t shun the lepers of His day, He didn’t live with leprosy Himself, and He never tried it out just to see what it was like, but He also never turned His back on people who had been ostracized from the community. I agree that this post wasn’t as funny as some of the others that I’ve read recently, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to be pushed to think a little harder about how our words and actions come across to the greater public. How can we begin to truly show love, without watering our love down in the name of tolerance and not standing up for what we know is right. Jesus didn’t say that it would be easy to love our neighbors, but He did say that it was the greatest commandment!

  2. Cackling over the truth in some of these!!

    “Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!”

    EXACTLY what we do!!

  3. Karin

    “Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!” Is that really what happened? I kind of didn’t pay attention to that meeting in South Africa, because I was fairly sure it would be a farce anyway with a predictable outcome… guess it was. How sad.

    • Markus

      “without inviting a single gay person.” Surely what is really interesting is not who said what but how valid their arguments were! Otherwise we descend into the ancient ad hominem fallacy – attacking the person rather than the argument.

      • Karin

        True, but I would have thought that in a conference that deals with sexuality, you should give the groups being discussed representation. A voice, if you like. Otherwise… it just doesn’t seem fair.

  4. Perhaps it is not wise to respond to satires, which by their nature are exagerated and over-the-top, and reacting to them is, like, “not getting the joke,” or something. But one statement that appears to be taken for face value by a number of the comments is that not one “single gay person” was invited to the conference. This is simply factually false, as a number of persons who are same-sex attracted were invited and did present. They were given a major plenary session to share their experiences and stories. It is simply discriminatory and a kind of reverse bigotry to exclude these persons from the gay community because they do not share the proper ideological perspective regarding gay sexual behavior.

    • Donna Padgett

      Now now counselor, I know your a lawyer and all but lets be honest here. There were only x-gay (read bi sexual) people invited to speak. Kinship international, the representative SDA gay community, asked to be a part, not only were they NOT invited they were excluded purposefully. I am sure you know that, you probably even read the letter from Kinship asking to have a voice. Why were only x-gays invited to speak when there are so many many more willing to testify? Woolsey and Carducci are not representative of the majority of the gay SDA community. Not all gay people are abandoned, abused and live decadent life styles filled with bad choices. Just think how their lives would have been different if they had had a safe place to go, someone to trust, say maybe a “Sanctuary” (cough cough)!!

      The church is promoting a selfish and dangerous stance, what do you think will happen to the youth of the church dealing with this issue now that they know they are not welcome? I really feel sorry for all of you “Powers that be” on judgement day. Will you be so smug when he says to you “I was gay and you rejected me”?

      Further, I sat in the meeting you held at Southern and was just angry and frustrated at the way you twisted the scripture to fit your agenda. Seriously, the 5th commandment as condemnation against being gay. Nice try, but it was way to much of a stretch for any thinking SDA to believe. We are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made. If you believe the bible then you are familiar with Luke 12:6,7 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7) But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

      By the way… brilliant satire, spot on!!

  5. Young Jeezy

    “And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, BURNED IN THEIR LUST ONE TOWARD ANOTHER; MEN WITH MEN working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” Romans 1:27

    To be fair its just one of many sins that we don’t take seriously. So I’m chill with gays but I consider it similar to alcholism

  6. Paige

    Why is everyone so set on keeping homosexuality in the “sin” box when it so clearly doesn’t belong? There are ten commandments, and it isn’t in there anywhere. There are so many places in the bible where MEN tell people what God expects of them, and we selectively ignore the advice we don’t like. Like sharing wealth or avoiding shellfish. Interracial marriage is a basic human right, we accept that even though MEN in the bible said it was an aberration. Homosexuality is a human trait, and monogamous homosexual relationships that lead to marriage should be accepted and encouraged. It’s simply too much of a stretch to keep calling it a sin.

      • Paige

        None of those verses are the words of God, or Jesus. There are hundreds of condemnations and judgements against minorities throughout scripture by MEN who are imperfect, ignorant sinners. I don’t believe in eternal hell, I don’t believe the King James bible is the absolute word of God. I believe in both evolution and science, and the guidance and gifts of a higher being. Our recorded history is short, and humans have yet to scientifically prove the existence or truth of ANY deity. Yet, I believe in a higher order. I believe in miracles. I have faith. I am a good person, not because I fear damnation, but because I listen to my conscience, choose to act unselfishly, and seek to help those in need. I personally believe the King James bible is mostly filled with myths and fairy tales. I went to Adventist schools, but I continued to read, I traveled, I studied the world and grew up. Unindoctrinate yourself. Open your mind to the possibility that cruelty and judgement is wrong.

      • Karin

        Hi Michael- could you check out this video before you draw your conclusions? I used to believe it was a sin too, but I’ve done a lot of thinking, researching, heart-searching, and it isn’t as clear cut as one might think.

        The video is a talk on the subject. In it, a Harvard student who took two years out of his studies, talks about homosexuality references in the bible.

  7. Pingback: Viewpoint: LGBT Adventists Can Find Hope in the Adventist Civil Rights Movement – WTLM Newsdesk

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