PARADISE, Calif. — What started as isolated and almost forgivable sobs has quickly escalated to a stream of high-pitched wailing. Everybody at Paradise Adventist Church is wondering when exactly Toahdal W. Ihmp will have the guts to carry out his baby.
Ihmp, however, is still firmly rooted in his pew half-way down the aisle and is doing little more than offering the occasional half-hearted “shhh.”
His baby is taking no notice whatsoever.
“I don’t know what he was thinking, sitting that far down the aisle with a baby when his wife is clearly still putting away Cradle Roll felts,” whispered an incredulous Ima Skreame. “How did he not see a painful exit coming?”
Skreame also confided that the money spent renovating the mothers’ room in the back of the sanctuary had clearly been wasted when parents just let their kids worship along with everyone else.