GC hacks Starbucks’ servers to catch Adventist account holders

We want names!!
We want names!!
SILVER SPRING, Md. — According to documents leaked this morning, a determined team of General Conference hackers has succeeded in downloading all names fromĀ Starbucks Rewards customer loyalty databases.

The hackers have passed the names on to GC data analysts that are crossreferencing the data with Adventist membership records to identify positive name and address matches.

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Although little is known about what the GC plans to do with the names of Adventists found in the Starbucks data, an anonymous source close to the secretive operation says Adventist Starbucks account holderers are being sorted into two main categories: church employees and mere members.

The source mentioned that the employee list of matches has been sorted further, with Starbucks Gold Card members appearing on a short list.

“For some reason I found the short list in a folder labeled ‘budget cuts,'” said the source.


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3 Comments

  1. Richard mills

    Looks to me these Starbucks offenders will have to be punished for violating the SDA health message. Let them imbibe on Roma with Little Debbie’s. I,m gonna evangelize this group with a 2016/2017 net series commencing Oct. 22. Repent or be lost you sinful imbibers. Woe iz all of you!!

    • Just wondering? They won’t catch me at Starbucks. I sneak in at the local Dunkin Donuts. Worry free, cage free, non GMO, no gluten, no trans fat, soy milk for dairy, soy margarine-all healthy and invigorating. The best time is between 4:30-5 AM. Fresh. See ya next Sabbath. I’m in the last booth with my head down saying the blessing.

  2. Just wondering? They won’t catch me at Starbucks. I sneak in at the local Dunkin Donuts. Worry free, cage free, non GMO, no gluten, no trans fat, soy milk for dairy, soy margarine-all healthy and invigorating. The best time is between 4:30-5 AM. Fresh. See ya next Sabbath. I’m in the last booth with my head down saying the blessing.

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