GC on Leap Day: “Leaping for joy in church is OK”

King David dancing around irresponsibly... 2 Samuel 6: 12-23
King David dancing around irresponsibly…
2 Samuel 6: 12-23
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leap Day comes with what analysts already are calling the biggest Adventist surprise this century: General Conference leaders of the Seventh Day Adventist Church have chosen to lift the ban on movement in church. A press release from the Silver Spring headquarters of the church announced that from now on “sanctified leaping in church is officially sanctioned.”

GC spokesperson Joe Taptoe said that while GC administrators had become convicted of this “new light” earlier this year, they had intentionally waited for Leap Day to officially announce the “lifting of limitations on leaping.”

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Church administrators ask Adventist women to practice extra caution if leaping in heels, said Taptoe. He added that leaps should be thoughtfully executed with “a level eye and a. song in one’s heart.’

Reporters asking why the change was made were told that after extensive Bible study it was found that there simply is no biblical reason for limiting praise to sitting morbidly still in church and mouthing the occasional “amen.” Said Taptoe: “We were surprised to find a whole roster of biblical heroes that actually moved their bodies when praising God.”

Taptoe was careful to specify that the church was not sanctioning dancing. “If you wish to leap as David did, we ask that you restrict your expression to reverent bunny-hopping in place during song service.”

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  1. John

    This is very bad news. Next they will be permitting couples to enjoy intercourse in a standing position, a position which was banned Egg Whites days for fear that it may lead to dancing.

    • Donald Tramp / Donald Dump

      You should apologize for your horrendous allusion. It’s worse than Vicente Fox, Ted Cruise, and Mark O. Ruby-oh put together. Take it from me–the candidate with endorsements from David Duke and Sarah Palin, and a history of hiring illegal aliens. That’s how I’ll “make Amerika great again.” Better vote for Ben Car-sin instead. At least he’s honest and he’s an “OK doctor.” Or at least he says he’s honest. (Don’t get me started on that story about the belt buckle. . . .) Dr. Carson will make a great U.S. Surgeon General, if he can stay awake.

  2. Ray Kraft

    If we can do holy leaping in church like King David, in the picture, can we also dress like King David while holy leaping, like it shows in the picture above? I mean, what’s good enough for King David is good enough for everybody, yes?

  3. Ray Kraft

    Looking at the painting (above) of King David holy leaping before the Ark of the Covenant, I had a sudden inspiration, or reveleation, or epiphany, as the case may be.

    We can’t have crucifixes, ‘cuz the Catholics got a monopoly on the crucifix, even though the crucifixion was the magical moment when everything changed for everybody, Adventist and Catholic too, well, maybe Catholic, there’s some doubt about that.

    But even if we can’t have crucifixes, Adventists could have a replica Ark of the Covenant at the front of every church! With the Ten Commandments engraved on tables of real stone inside! We could even have the stone quarried at Mr. Sinai, for authenticity! Kind of an Adventist relic!

    And it could be electrified, so if you touch it you’re dead!

  4. pesky bugs

    We were permitted to “march” in the academy 40 years ago. But not too often. Even then hanky panky of hand holding escaped faculty notice, leading to serious bad thoughts. Now this. Adventist apostasy will now delay the second coming another thousand years. What next? Sex on Sabbath (married only). Or hand holding on Sabbath by the unmarried. There goes another thousand. We need more sermons about hell.

  5. Richard Mills

    We don’t need a special day to LEAP. All you have to do is people watch every Sabbath.
    Notice how they leap out of their seats, make a line for the door, leap down a couple of steps and VOILA! We made it to the pot luck line. Or watch them leap out of church when it is time for an altar call or a testimony time. Even the weather can cause one to leap. Or is there any leaping at the edges of the Sabbath..?? Woe iz me!!

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