Magic Johnson admits to authoring BarelyAdventist

Oakwood Univesity Senior Pastor Carlton Byrd gives Johnson an award...
Oakwood University Church Senior Pastor Carlton Byrd gives Johnson an award…
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — After a mysterious silence of two years, the blogger behind Adventist humor and satire site BarelyAdventist has been revealed as retired American professional basketball player, Earvin “Magic” Johnson Jr.

Johnson chose to reveal his identity as the author of BarelyAdventist at an emotional Oakwood University-based event. As he accepted a trophy recognizing a gift of $550,000 to the Oakwood University and church, Johnson said he was not only happy to make the gift, but also had enjoyed putting his writing skills to use as a secret blogger.

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Raised by a Seventh-day Adventist mother and a Baptist father, Johnson said that he had often mulled how best to celebrate his Adventist heritage. “In addition to this gift to Oakwood I considered starting basketball scholarships at Adventist colleges, but none of them are any good at it,” said Johnson. “So I thought anonymously cracking Adventist in-jokes was the next best thing.”

Johnson said after running the site for a little more than two years, he was relieved to see that at least a handful of Adventists do have a funny bone. “If your faith can’t take a few jokes then it probably isn’t ‘Hebrews Hall of Fame’ material.”

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  1. Frank N. Stein

    This “news story” is fake. People are so tired of these fake reports, that nobody even reads this site any more. And all the people who write comments here are a big bunch of losers. We actually know the identity of the blogger behind BarelyAdventist: he is Ryan Bell, former pastor of the Hollywood SDA Church. We’ve known that for a couple of years. We also hired a private eye who detected that the author is Wang Xiu Ying of Chengdu, Yī Jí Xíngzhèngqū Province, China. (The author has a split personality, part American and part Chinese.) So, nice try, “sevvy.” You’ve blown your cover. Now, why not use your writing skills for something worthwhile, like creating lyrics for raunchy rap songs or writing commercials for Hellary Clinton — or talking points for Ben Carsinogen?

  2. Magical Johnsson

    The joke is on you, Sevvy. You know, and I know, that the blogger is Donald Tramp. It’s no secret that he has “a Twitter problem” (as Ben Carson said), so Dr. Carson prescribed this blog as punishment. Dr. Ben makes poor Donald slave away in the wee hours of the morning dredging up ideas for new Adventist satire stories, while he dreams up new insults to hurl at Hellary Clinton. The good news is, Dr. Carson said The Donald is off the ho0k after the Presidential Inauguration. After all, who can tell the President what to do? Not ever Ben Carson can do that. LOL!

  3. Pill Cosby

    For all that don’t already know, this blog is headed up by an anonymous guy who calls himself “sevvy.” That screen-name is a play on words, based on the word “seventh” in the Church’s name (Seventh-day Adventist). Now the rest of the story: “sevvy” is not one person, it’s a team/group of volunteer humorists. According to Wikipedia, this “sevvy” team is composed of two men, three women, a child, a very clever dog, and a gifted parakeet. The blog is composed of parody and satire, and the comment section features a lot of satire-upon-satire or parody-of-parody. Here’s an interesting fact: several of the commenters are actually “sevvy” impersonating a reader, much like Donald Trump impersonated “publicist” John Miller to toot his own horn. Some of the frequent commenters who are actually sevvy himself (itself) are: Richard Mills, Stu Redman, and Fido Castro. In case you might run into Sevvy unawares, he has red hair, green eyes, and a crew cut. He is 5′ 8″ and weighs 375 pounds. He has a deep scar on his left cheek, and some weird tattoos on his back, and he wears shades indoors. He is scared of spiders but has no fear of snakes. When he is not busy writing this blog, he doubles as a snake charmer for a fundamentalist church. I could tell more, but I’ve already said too much.

  4. Archie Dunker

    I previously posted the names of the authors on this site, and each time I posted they deleted it — which proves that I was right. And it proves that they engage in censorship.

  5. richard mills

    Youse guys is all wrong! The real culprit in BA is Little Richard, formerly of Oakwood. Way to go, bro. You be my hero. Good Golly, Miss Molly/ What goin’ on. The dudes in the hood say “wassup”! Woe iz me!

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