Merriam-Webster’s defines “haystacks” as “Adventist crack”


SPRINGFIELD, Mass. --- In a soon-to-be-published new edition, Merriam-Webster's dictionary has listed an additional definition for the term "haystacks."

In addition to it being the plural form of a word to describe a pile of hay, the editors of the volume added a definition which defines the word as "Adventist crack."

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The explanation for the new definition describes haystacks as "a highly addictive dish which routinely gathers Seventh-day Adventists of all ages to gorge on chips, salsa, cheese, assorted vegetables, sour cream, guacamole and so much more."

Merriam-Webster's went on to say that within the Adventist community, the dish was as habit forming as any back-alley drug.

The expanded definition that boasted near-encyclopedic detail explains that Adventists eat the dish with tremendous consistency at home, at church, at their schools and even while camping.

"Haystacks consumption is an all-pervasive custom that has filtered through to every part of Adventist living," says the dictionary entry, "literally no aspect of Adventism has escaped its crunchy goodness."

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  1. John Lennon

    I thought “Adventist crack” consisted of listening to Del Delker and the King’s Heralds, along with a few Danny Shelton songs. That stuff can induce states of consciousness like no drug can.

  2. At my church we digest haystacks in a variety of ways such as: rice & beans, beans & rice, fried rice & beans, fried beans & rice, fried beans & fried rice, refried beans & refried rice, yellow rice & beans, brown rice & beans, baked beans & rice, boiled beans & rice, boiled rice & refried beans—the list is endless as you can see. Throw in some vega-meats and you got a sooper-dooper meal. Top it off with a mixed pile of Little Debbies. How can you go wrong? Don’t forget the Fritos. As I always say-Yummy yummy=good for your tummy. Come on down!! My Jesuit friend says the blessing.

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