NAD runs away from home, lives in shack

rough start
rough start
Columbia, Md. — Earlier today, bleary-eyed leaders of the North American Division of the Seventh-day Adventist Church somberly surveyed a dilapidated structure in Columbia, Maryland that would serve as their new headquarters.

NAD leadership had previously been located in the denomination’s General Conference headquarters building located a few miles away in Silver Spring, and had escaped when nobody was looking this morning.

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Divison spokesperson Snotyoo Ismee somberly admitted that he and his team were “up to our ears with all the bickering recently,” and had been planning their escape for over a year. “We’ve had our tote bags fully packed with blankets and flashlights for months just waiting for the right moment,” he said.

Pausing by a stretch of punched-out dry wall, Ismee said that the NAD team would try to make ends meet as they faced the big world out there on their own. He admitted to feeling conflicted about running away from home over flare-ups after so many “happy years” under one roof.

“But I’m sure Big Brother will be over to visit sooner or later.”

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12 Comments

  1. richard mills

    NAD is lucky. Office conditions could be worse. I suggest they find a building that has a Golden Corral on the ground floor. Just like Florida Conference. Golden Corral is across the street. This way, the NAD can eliminate a cafeteria. No need now for at least 15 employees. NAD will be on the second floor. Other floors can be leased for 99 years for a steady income. See, problem solved. You need me to think out these solutions. No charge on this idea. Which way to my padded suite? I am tired. Woe iz me.

    • millie richards

      Hey Richard, I’ve always wondered why the whole Florida Conference staff is obese. Now I know: it’s because of the unlimited buffet smorgasbord at the Golden Corral! Isn’t gluttony a sin? Woe iz all of us!

  2. Martha Washington

    This is so stinking brilliant. And about the cafeteria, they don’t need to bother. The Adventist Panera will doubtless miss their business, but the one in Columbia Mall is about to get even busier.

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