US News and World Report Declares Southern Best College to Find Vegetarian Spouse

Collegedale, Tenn. — For the first time ever, US News and World Report has ranked schools in view of their ability to provide students with “a high chance of finding a vegetarian to marry.” US Read more […]

Southern’s Village Market bankrupt after disappointing Valentine’s carob sales

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University’s Village Market has declared bankruptcy after failing to sell any of its Valentine’s carob inventory. Despite starting to advertise the product Read more […]

Southern to host Beasts of Revelation-themed Halloween Party

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Citing a need to sanitize a downright pagan holiday, Southern Adventist University administrators have announced a Beasts of Revelation-themed Halloween Party. Officially Read more […]

Southern wears sack cloth and ashes after President Gordon Bietz announces retirement

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Students, faculty and staff of Southern Adventist University have begun a week of grieving in sack cloth and ashes after it was announced yesterday that Gordon Bietz, Read more […]