Trump to follow ‘Muslim Ban’ with ‘Adventist Ban’

Time to change the 2020 GC Session venue?
Firing off yet another executive order.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The newly-minted Trump administration has announced that it will follow its widely-criticized “Muslim Ban” with what it is calling an “Adventist Ban.”

Trump’s executive order banning citizens of seven majority-Muslim countries from entering the US is to be followed by a similar ban on people coming from the seven countries outside the US containing the most Adventists.

“We don’t want to hear any quibbling about religious liberty from this over-sensitive denomination,” said Trump official Harma Geddine.

All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

“We only like one Adventist. And even Ben Carson almost lost us the election at one point.”

Geddine said that the list of reasons for banning large segments of the Adventist world was, according to her boss, “as long as the wall we’re building. They’re YUGELY detrimental to American business interests.

“The Adventists’ stance on gambling hurts Las Vegas. Their pickiness with eating, drinking and social activities puts a serious damper on the entertainment industry. And don’t even get us started on the foreign policy implications of their take on America in Bible prophecy.”

Geddine said the specific countries whose Adventist nationals would be banned had not been released yet.

However, she advised the denomination’s leadership to “move the venue for your next General Conference Session outside the US if you plan on having a full house.”

Cheers to Bangkok Fashionista for the post idea!


Advertise on BarelyAdventist

SPONSORED LINKS

WANTED: Adventists who are tired of being single. FREE! Adventist only dating site.

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com

.

27 Comments

    • Maria Conzella

      This site is a lame attempt to make people laugh at fictitious satire, but it only makes fools of the church, because many people who stumble onto this site or see the stories shared on social media (including some members of the denomination) are not aware that these stories are just made up falsehoods. I know you rely on the little “satire” label at the top of the page, but in reality most people don’t even see that label. So you are misleading the gullible and tricking the unwary, and causing them to think your church is a bunch of dim-wits. Sure, you get advertising revenue, but how do you sleep at night?

        • Ted Willston

          BREAKING NEWS: After trying valiently to defend the Travel Ban, embattled White House spokesman Sean Spicer was fired by U.S. President Trump this evening. Spicer was then immediately hired as the new spokesman for G.C. President Ted Wilson, with a special assignment to defend the Ordination Ban. There was a prompt news release from SNL stating that Melissa McCarthy will continue to skewer Spicer as he sets out to spout “alternative facts” and illogical explanations in his new position.

  1. calle

    Stupid, if any of you were aware of Trump, you would know his one daughter is married to a Sabbath Keeper.

    Trashing our new hard working God centered President is not a good thing.

    No wonder I left this church.
    Humor is a grand thing, God created humor in nature all the time.
    My father and father in law loved and used humor daily.
    It is so sad we can’t build people up.
    Is there any thing to “barely pregnant? Or maybe on a more sober note, “barely saved”?
    And I hate every time someone who does not know Dr Ben Carson makes a snide remark about such a Godly man.

  2. KRONAIE

    You need TO GET A LIFE. YOU NEED TO LEARN TO READ! President Trump didn’t ban anyone. He used the same list CREATED BY OBAMA. NOTHING NEW HERE OTHER THAN A BUNCH OF RABBLE ROUSERS TRYING TO DO NOTHING BUT CREATE ANARCHY. JUST THINK IF THE JESUITS DON’T GET YOU PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL. in
    FACT IT IS UNDERSTOOD That THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER SERVICES HELD ON SATURDAYS OR FRIDAY EVENINGS UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE YOUR HEBRAIC HERITAGE THOUGHT ANCESTRY.COM. PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS BECOME A JESUIT. BEWARE!

  3. robbie

    This ant funny in fact its against the Bible.
    The Bible asks us not to gossip or tell false hoods such as what’s been said here.
    One
    The Bible says thou shat not bear false witness against thy neibhour
    Eg article about Ted Wilson was a totally shame.
    Poking fun at Gods leaders and his church along with Egw is down right disgusting.
    This does Gods message no good in spreading truth all it does is spread lies

  4. My insiders down in DC informed me that the Trump family attended one of those infamous potlucks at a Takoma Park/Silver Spring SDA church and came away disappointed. Some type of digestive issue. Melania was admitted to Washington San for observation. She is allergic to TOFU!! Trump was supposed to ban SDA potlucks not the SDA church!! This was taken out of context. Go back and re-read the statement issued by the White House. Haystacks & Little Debbies excluded.

  5. How about a “ban” on potlucks, tofu, I can’t hear you, happy Sabbath, are there any visitors with us today?, will the visitors please stand up so we may greet you, reach across the aisle and shake someone’s hand, ban the drums-bongos-beat boxes-the rock music, night-club music, CD accompaniments, etc.
    Can we return to the simple church services and praise the Lord?

  6. Joy

    Barely Adventist, I like you a lot…! You always crack me up with your humor. Don’t mind about some of these sad commentators here who don’t know how to take a joke.
    Some comments like “God-centered President (Trump)” almost made wet my pants and hiccup at the same time. These people are funny when they come up with serious misunderstanding. But hey… God loves them too..!
    Keep up the good job of cheering us up, those who can appreciate the humor.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *