TSA bans “toxic” carob from passenger carry-ons

It's not gonna fly.
It’s not gonna fly.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has added carob products to it’s ever-expanding list of items banned from flight passenger carry-ons.

Calling carob “demonstrably toxic” and an “immensely disappointing substitute for chocolate”, the TSA warned airline passengers not to include anything made with the product in cabin luggage.

“This isn’t one of those products you can just put a little of in a clear plastic bag and get past airport security,” said TSA spokesperson Sam Sung.

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He said that in banning carob TSA officials acknowledged that it had been shortsighted to have waited this long before forbidding a product with such devastating post-use consequences from airline cabins.

Sung said that in the past the TSA had pursued a more lenient policy in regards to carob carriers for one reason:

“We figured that barf bags were readily available on planes so if anyone had a completely natural reaction to a carob chip cookie, help was not far away.”


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6 Comments

  1. Advice

    When someone destroys your reputation with inaccurate rumors, your first reaction is to publicly deny them. But many people will assume that YOU are not being forthright. So, the most effective method is to convince the person or publication who started the rumor, to publicly retract it. Most, if not all, people will believe the retraction.

    • Destroyed

      A malicious or mean-spirited relative can do more damage than anyone else. It takes them only 1 minute to destroy your reputation that took 30 years to build. When the purveyors of gossip are your own family members, it’s not likely that you’ll be able to convince them to retract it. So you’re basically screwed. What happens at home should stay at home. But life is not fair.

      • Ruined

        Mean-spirited in-laws also like to dig up dirt on you, and they’re often quite happy to spread it around or try to blackmail you. With relatives like that, who needs enemies?

  2. Buckykat

    The reactions to this site are almost worth the humor found herein. I’m sure they believe everything The Onion publishes (though some are eerily accurate). Characterizing carob as a “chocolate substitute” deserves to be a capital offense.

  3. Richard mills

    All you dudes, listen up! It’s true. My carob stuff confiscated last November on my way home from Cal. TSA also took my Little Debbie’s until I gave a sample. Complete turn around. I can carry all the L. D I want. How’s that for witnessing?

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