TODAY IN ANCIENT ISRAEL — King David was referred to a compliance committee earlier today after religious leaders caught wind of the fact that he had spent a good portion of the day dancing half-naked all over Jerusalem.
Although King David was quick to point out that he had simply been celebrating the arrival of the ark of the Lord, a grim-faced committee of highly-ordained old men was having none of it.
The compliance bosses notified the royal palace that, in addition to being forced to wear a suit and tie for future public functions, the ruler would be required to abide exclusively by rules of celebratory conduct voted in by General Conference Session majorities.
King David was reminded that currently, approved celebrations could only feature Pathfinder fancy drill steps punctuated by swigs of discount Martinelli’s.
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