Local Adventist evangelist Pastor Jim Prophecy was reportedly left in a state of disbelief yesterday after accidentally opening his Bible to the book of Ruth during a sermon preparation session.
“I thought someone had slipped a different book into my Bible as a prank,” said a visibly shaken Pastor Prophecy. “I mean, where were the beasts? The horns? The cryptic time prophecies?”
The startling discovery occurred when Pastor Prophecy, known for his animated “Decoding the End Times” seminar series, mistakenly dropped his well-worn Bible, causing it to fall open to an unfamiliar page.
“At first, I thought it was some kind of code I hadn’t cracked yet,” Prophecy admitted. “But then I realized it was just… a story. About people. Doing regular ancient people stuff.”
Sources close to the evangelist report that he spent the next several hours in a daze, randomly flipping through the Bible and muttering, “There’s so many of them. Psalms? Proverbs? Acts? What does it all mean?”
When asked for comment, local conference released a statement reminding members that while Daniel and Revelation are indeed important books, “the other 64 books aren’t just there for padding.”
At press time, Pastor Prophecy was seen furiously scribbling notes, determined to find a way to link Ruth’s gleaning in Boaz’s fields to the Mark of the Beast.
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