LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A team of Adventist mathematicians from Loma Linda University claims to have discovered the elusive ‘Golden Ratio’ in an unexpected place: Ellen G. White’s iconic hairstyle.
Dr. Pythagoras Fibonacci, lead researcher and chair of the newly formed Department of Prophetic Geometry, explained the team’s findings at a press conference held in the university’s “Hairy Situation Lecture Hall,” named after generous donations from the Adventist Barbers and Stylists Association.
“Since the pioneer days, we’ve known that Sister White’s writings contained divine inspiration,” Dr. Fibonacci stated, gesturing towards a giant portrait of Ellen White. “But little did we know that her very hairstyle was a testament to mathematical perfection.”
The team’s research, which involved analyzing hundreds of daguerreotypes and early photographs of the church’s co-founder, reportedly shows that the ratio between the width of Ellen White’s bun and the length of her center part precisely matches the Golden Ratio of 1.618.
It’s simply miraculous,” exclaimed Dr. Euclid Descartes, another member of the research team. “The chances of this being coincidental are about as likely as hearing the phrase ‘In conclusion…’ actually signal the end of an Adventist sermon.”
The discovery has sparked a flurry of activity within Adventist circles. The General Conference has already announced plans to incorporate the findings into the next Sabbath School quarterly, titled “Hairdos and Don’ts: Decoding Divine Design in Denominational Dos.”
Meanwhile, the Ellen G. White Estate has reported a surge in requests for high-resolution images of the the co-founder’s hair, with some believers claiming to have received visions after staring at her bun for extended periods.
Not everyone is convinced, however. Dr. Ada Lovelace, a skeptical mathematics professor from Andrews University, raised concerns about the study’s methodology. “I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed this before,” she said. “Are we sure they didn’t just get carried away with their protractors during a particularly dull sermon?”
Despite the controversy, the Loma Linda team remains undeterred. They’ve already announced plans for their next project: searching for hidden algebraic equations in James White’s beard.
SPONSORED LINKS
.
