SACRAMENTO, CA — The FCC announced today that Amazing Facts has been suspended from broadcasting after “repeated and unauthorized offensive predictions about the United States of America.”
According to the regulatory body, Doug Batchelor’s ministry crossed a red line by delivering what it called “unlicensed prophecies” regarding America’s role in the end-times.
“Federal law is clear,” said an FCC spokesperson at a press conference. “If you want to make bold statements about dragons, beasts, or the imminent merging of church and state, you must first obtain the *Appropriate Prophetic Certification*. Amazing Facts failed to do this and instead broadcast material that could cause widespread eschatological panic.”
The suspension order specifically cited a program in which Batchelor explained that “America is the second beast of Revelation” and will one day enforce “the mark of the beast.” The spokesperson held up a stack of viewer complaints, including one from a nervous suburbanite who claimed they were “just trying to watch 3ABN in peace before bedtime” when they were blindsided by talk of Sunday laws and collapsing freedoms.
“Frankly, it’s not fair to expect viewers to process end-times legislation predictions with their popcorn,” the FCC ruling noted.
Reaction in Adventist Circles
Adventists across the country immediately took to social media, insisting that the move was a blatant attack on religious freedom. “First they came for Kimmel, now they’ve come for Batchelor,” one user posted, holding up a placard reading “Hands Off Prophecy.”
In an emergency livestream broadcast to Facebook before being “mysteriously throttled” by the algorithm, Doug Batchelor insisted the ministry would not be silenced.
“The beast doesn’t like it when you preach the beast,” Batchelor declared. He then suggested switching to shortwave, smoke signals, or “just carving Daniel 7 onto your front lawn” as alternative methods of spreading prophecy.
When asked how he planned to fight the FCC ruling, Batchelor produced a giant scroll, unfurled it dramatically, and pointed to a chart of U.S. presidents, world wars, and papal tiaras. “Brothers and sisters,” he said, “if they think the three angels will apply for a broadcasting licence, they’ve got another thing coming.”
