Every church has its spiritual gifts. Some preach. Some sing. Some run the livestream while being publicly chastised in real time.
Here is a sermon that slowly transforms into a passive-aggressive performance review.
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Pastor steps up, clears throat.
“Happy Sabbath, everyone. It is such a blessing to gather together in God’s house. If the microphones could also feel blessed enough to actually turn on, that would be wonderful.”
He stares lovingly toward the booth.
“Can I get the first slide? Whenever you are ready. Today. During the millennium would also work, but earlier would be fabulous.”
Congregation giggles nervously.
“As we look at Psalm 46:10… you can go ahead and put that up. No pressure. The Lord says be still, yet here I am waiting for my slides to flee from me like Jonah.”
Pastor continues.
“Some of us are trying to hear the still, small voice of God. Unfortunately, what we hear is the still, small voice of the AV computer updating Windows.”
Polite laughter. AV team sweats.
“This next verse really connects with our situation today. Isaiah says those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. Those who wait upon the projector need counseling.”
A loud pop from the sound system interrupts him.
“Thank you for that friendly gunshot from the speakers. It really drives home the point that spiritual warfare is real.”
He looks heavenward.
“Lord, teach us patience. Especially the kind of patience needed when the lyric slide appears halfway through the chorus. Truly a trial of our sanctification.”
Pastor returns to notes.
“In the early church, believers were united. They prayed together in one accord. Here we struggle to get the audio and video to be in one accord. Or any accord.”
Then the grand finale.
“As we close… the AV team can prepare my final slide. I say ‘prepare’ with faith, not sight. Because I have seen no evidence of a slide appearing today.”
He smiles sweetly.
“Let us pray for revival. In our hearts. In our homes. In our HDMI connections.”
Congregation murmurs amen while the AV team quietly updates résumés.
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Some sermons heal. Some sermons encourage. This one informs the AV team they are on notice.
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