CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Affirmed in our Straighthood, the first-ever Adventist conference on alternative sexualities, was held in mid-March this year. It was attended by almost 350 delegates from all over the world.
After the conference, the church released a statement that read in part: “As rough as it is living in a world where gay people have been given rights, we are completely committed to technically loving the gays but fully hating on everything about them. We pray that gay grandsons will not be born to any conference president so that we will not be forced to dig further into Biblical truth on the matter.”
Students and faculty at a number of Adventist college campuses have begun to wonder about just how biblically-balanced and intellectually honest the church’s statement is. Questions asked include:
“Is the practice of homosexuality in a loving, monogamous marriage contrary to God’s will?”
“Do the Biblical texts that address homosexuality say what Adventists have historically interpreted them to say?”
“Does the concept of progressive revelation apply to our understanding of homosexuality? Should our understanding of homosexuality evolve like the positions of Adventists have done historically on issues like the trinity and salvation by faith?”
Despite the questions, church administrators are staying optimistic. “Let’s be positive and focus on what DID work in Cape Town,” said David Chapman, chair of the logistics committee. “Nobody should forget that we successfully pulled off the first worldwide Adventist conference on homosexuality and we did it without inviting a single gay person!”
“This is a model we should use as we discuss every controversial topic going forward,” said Percy Baker, a member of the Affirmed in our Straighthood programming committee. “Invite nobody that disagrees and decide the outcome ahead of time!’ he said, starting an ultra-straight sequence of somber yet meaningful high-fives around the table.
“If you are gay, we still love you. Just don’t act gay,” said Chapman. “Pathfinders has wonderful marching lessons and any Amish tailor can get you into some looser outfits. And honestly, we don’t need grown men doing our flower arrangements for church. That’s why we have deaconesses.”
“The bottom line is that no sin is greater than any other; it’s just that this one can get you disfellowshipped,” added Baker.
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