BREAKING NEWS
BALTIMORE, Md. — In attempt to shore up Adventist support for his newly announced presidential bid, Ben Carson has promised to veto any and all attempts at passing Sunday Law while he is president. The Adventist former neurosurgeon has struggled to win over Adventist Americans who are at best divided over the merits of his candidacy. Carson said that while he shares the Adventist view of America’s role in End Time events, “there will be no funny business on my watch.” In addition to waving off the possibility of Sunday Law during his administration, Carson says he won’t be making any visits to the Vatican and that he will make available Adventist-owned Little Debbie Snack Cakes to all schools.
Special thanks to Nordman Nordsen for help with this breaking story
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Dr. Carson, a medical doctor with a lifelong career in healthcare, “will make available Little Debbie Snack Cakes to all schools.” That’s funny. I hope they help the kids concentrate better and get healthier! After all, they must be good for you since they’re made by an Adventist-owned bakery that uses only vegetarian sugar. Right?
About the “Sunday law” joke above: for any unsuspecting readers, please note the disclaimer at the top of every page: “Adventist satire and humor.” And on the “About” page: “BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.”
“Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report,’ including any comments thereupon, are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”
Thank you! Laughter IS the best medicine!
From CNN: “The prospect of failure doesn’t seem to faze Carson anyway. He’s often said that he’s only looking at the race because he’s gotten strong encouragement from supporters and a nudge from God — not because he actually covets the White House.
“If he loses, he recently told the magazine of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, ‘I would say ‘Whew!’
“‘Because it’s not something I ever really wanted to do, and the only reason I’d consider it is because there’s so many people across the nation clamoring for me to do it,’ he added.”
Okay, no Sunday Laws, but will he make Saturday Executive Orders?
Ben Carson – und noch ein Bewerber für die Nachfolge von Barack Obama: Der Arzt Ben Carson teilte am Sonntag mit, für die Republikaner als Präsidentschaftskandidat antreten zu wollen. Viele Menschen hätten ihn dazu ermutigt, obwohl er ein politischer Neuling sei, sagte der 63-Jährige Neurochirurg in einem Interview des Senders TV. Dr. Carson ist der erste Afroamerikaner unter den jetzt vier Kandidaten der Republikaner für die Wahl im November 2016. Offiziell will er seine Kandidatur am Montag erklären.
¿Qué es eso, Wilhelm? This is America. Maybe you should learn English.
Point of actual order: this is the internets…
Maybe you should learn German.
Maybe you should learn to use translate.google.com