SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The Seventh-day Adventist Church has sent out a warning to members planning a romantic rendezvous that "coffee dates lead to unequally yoked marriages."
"I am sure there are thousands of our young people out there looking to get the most romance out of what little summer we have left," said newly-appointed General Conference Vespers Date Coordinator, Gordon Bietz. "I want to challenge them to think bigger than a mere coffee date."
Bietz, who said that he had spent decades observing "the best and the worst of Adventist dating at our denomination's marriage Mecca," implored aspiring Adventist Casanovas to keep caffeine out of their courting rituals.
"It isn't worth spending a lifetime with a severe neckache just because you had your first date at Starbucks rather than on a spritely nature walk," said Bietz. "At the very least, order decaf."