EVERYWHERE — No longer a made-up name for Adventists Starbucks gold card holders, Badventists have officially started their own denomination.
Newly minted members across the Adventist world have thrown pretence to the wind, donned jewelry that would make the cast of Jersey Shore blush and toasted the launch of Badventism with a glass of Napa Chardonnay.
“Never again will I have to wake up to get to church on Sabbath morning or duck for cover when I see an Adventist at Olive Garden after the service,” said third generation Badventist Leo Dacia, taking a sip from his triple shot frappuccino.
Dacia bemoaned his purchase of a Glory Star dish last year saying the extra cash could have been handy at his Wednesday night Bible browsing/Texas Hold ’em men’s group.
Although Dacia admitted that there was “a kernel of truth tucked in the pharasaical haystack that is Adventism,” he felt it best to dispense with all the baggage and move forward with the main tenets of Badventism: potluck, Big Franks and the occasional Nutty Bar.