Chick-fil-A to close on Saturdays after rich Adventist invests

Taking the weekend off...
Taking the weekend off…
ATLANTA, Ga. — After a major investment in the fast food company from a wealthy Adventist, Chick-fil-A has announced that it will now close its doors on Saturdays.

The popular chain is already known for being closed on Sundays.

“We are going to need go large on faith to take both Saturdays and Sundays off,” said Chick-fil-A spokesperson, Sam Chuckin.

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“There will probably be a hit to our bottom lines in the short term but on the bright side, I will never have to work weekends again.”

Chuckin added that in conversations with their new Adventist investor the need for new suppliers had come up.

“Loma Linda / Worthington was at the top of our list of suggested vendors.”


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8 Comments

  1. Concerned Lawyer

    Sevvy, this one has gone too far. This story could actually have an impact on customers and the corporation’s profits, as some customers may think the restaurants will actually be closed on Saturdays. I won’t be surprised if you get a cease-and-desist letter from Chick-fil-A’s legal team, and a possible lawsuit for damages. Seriously, if I were you, I would delete this f.a.k.e n.e.w.s.

  2. J. Alan Nash

    The sevvy owners of Chick-fil-A who will close on Saturdays could avoid such a closure by copying from Jewish owners of fast food franchises in modern Israel. Here is an example based on actual practice. A Jewish business person operates his/her Burger King Sundays thru sundown on Fridays. After sundown and all day on Saturdays a legally registered Arab franchisee opens the BK and conducts business as usual. Said Arab, is in fact, the legal franchisee on Saturdays only. Come Sunday the Jewish Franchisee resumes his/her ownership.
    This practice fits well a legalistic loyalty to a religion practiced by numerous Sevvys who appear to be earning salvation by “keeping up the standards…”

  3. Yo, Brother J. This is known as a GOYEM. All Jewish businesses have ’em. Shalom to all you gentiles. Shalom Shabat to all of Abraham’s seed. Happy Sabbath to all my SDA friends. Happy Passover. Matzos to all of you. See you on the other side or the 2020 GC whichever comes first.

  4. Harry Plotter

    A disreputable lawyer paid a jury foreman a large sum of money to convince the rest of the jury to find his client guilty of manslaughter instead of second-degree murder. After the jury found the man guilty of manslaughter the lawyer went up to the jury foreman and said, “Well my good man, did you have any problem convincing the rest of the jury to convict on manslaughter?” “You don’t know the half of it”, replied the foreman. “The other 11 jury members wanted to find him not guilty of anything at all.”

  5. Bill O'Riley

    When on The O’Reilly Factor, do as the O’Reilly factors do. Oops, maybe I should say, “Do as they don’t do.” Or, “What would Bill do? — Do the opposite!”

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