Report: Thorn in Paul’s flesh revealed to be haystacks addiction

 

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Take it away!
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Members of the General Conference-based Biblical Research Institute claim to have cleared up a mystery that has confused biblical scholars for centuries.

In a statement this morning, the Institute said that the thorn in Paul’s flesh that he refers to in II Corinthians actually refers to his addiction to an early form of what Adventists call haystacks.

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“Although Fritos were not readily available in the time of the apostle Paul, it didn’t stop him from craving that tasty blend of veggies, cheese, Mediterranean pita chips, hummus and olives,” said BRI spokesperson Ultimum Auctoritas.

He said that Paul, despite being a giant in the faith, simply could not resist whipping together multiple plates of haystacks as he penned his long letters.

“The purchase of the haystacks ingredients alone forced Paul to become an extremely efficient tent maker to pay his grocery bills,” said Auctoritas who cautioned Adventists to learn from Paul’s difficulties and go easy on their New Year’s Eve haystacks parties.


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5 Comments

  1. My investigation reveals that it was all the pot lucks Paul ate as he travelled around the Roman Empire. Most of the early Christians did not know how to cook & prepare a hearty vegetarian meal. There were no “healthy cooking schools”. No Loma Linda. No Yuchee Pines. No Wildwood. No Worthington Foods. Only in Rome was Paul allowed to cook his own delicacies. See Acts 52:5. I think somebody brought him some Little Debbies, Roman style.

  2. My investigation reveals that it was all the pot lucks Paul ate as he travelled around the Roman Empire. Most of the early Christians did not know how to cook & prepare a hearty vegetarian meal. There were no “healthy cooking schools”. No Loma Linda. No Yuchee Pines. No Wildwood. No Worthington Foods. Only in Rome was Paul allowed to cook his own delicacies. See Acts 52:5. I think somebody brought him some Little Debbies, Roman style.

  3. Yo, Hartmut-the balance of the book of Acts was lost centuries ago. Only recently have they been unearthed in the desert mountains of Iraq by some Andrews students over there on a mission trip. Hence, I was able to quote from chapter 52. It’s all in the interpretation. I know Greek when I see it. Cheerio!!

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