Trump deports entirety of Adventist Religious Liberty department to Sweden

Kom igen?
Kom igen?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Without so much as a 24-hour warning, US President Donald Trump has deported the entire staff of the Silver Spring, Maryland-based Adventist Public Affairs and Religious Liberty (PARL) Department.

PARL personnel were sent on a one-way cargo flight from Washington Dulles International Airport to a really awful place called Sweden.

Trump advisors assured him the Scandinavian home to ABBA was the perfect place to which to banish the Adventist religious liberty advocates.

All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

White House aides painted a dark picture of a failed state teeming with overly-safe Volvos, world class quality of life rankings, dangerous IKEA furniture designers and the insidious Swedish House Mafia.

“They’re having problems like they never thought possible,” said Trump of the inhabitants of the thickly forested and frequently serene nature sanctuary of a country.

When asked to elaborate on the specific problems Swedes were plagued with, Trump offered no details other than to “ask Fox.”

Reverting to his more familiar call to make America great again, Trump said that the recent outcry over his discrimination against Muslims proved that “religious liberty types like these Adventists are just terrible people that are getting in the way of us building walls to keep bad hombres and bad religions out of America.”

Trump defended his Adventist deportation saying that he was all for freedom of religion as long as it didn’t get in the way of stoking irrational fears and garnering YUGE wins in elections.


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12 Comments

  1. Lester Clemmings

    What a silly story, so obviously full of political jabs but spreading falsehood about something he did not do. A trap for the gullible suckers who don’t know this is a parody site. Giving the wrong impression is a form of lying. These are the only people I know, who are paid to break the 7th Commandment.

    • Sam Lockhead

      Sevvy (the good old author of BarelyAdventist) was ordered by Trump to be kidnapped by space aliens and whisked away to an undisclosed planet. Whoever was left in Sevvy’s place seems confused and bent on misleading the public about our church, using so-called humor as an excuse to earn advertising revenue.

    • Aaliyah al Haddad

      “Satire” presented as a news report = deception. Your fake news is even more misleading now because you deleted the “Satire and Humor” label at the top of the page. I have a better sense of humor than most people, but there’s nothing funny about misleading the public. You’re making this denomination look foolish. Shame on you.

  2. William Larraby

    I once preached at the state hospital / insane asylum. My topic was the three great questions of life, including “Why are we all here?” One of the patients blurted out, “Because we ain’t all there.”

  3. Miriam Bechstein

    I finally stopped going to my shrink, because he made me cry. I felt discouraged and hopeless today. Why? Because I spent 12 years lying on that couch and venting all my frustrations, and he always grunted, “Um hum, ah hah,” etc., with no condemnation. I knew I had finally found someone who accepted me and truly understood me. But today, after 12 years, he finally spoke for the first time. He said, “No hablo inglés.”

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