Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Theologian Spotted On Slippery Slope

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Tenured skier.

Telluride, Colo. — Alarm bells rang all over Adventist academia this morning as a prominent denominational theologian was spotted flying down a slippery slope in Telluride.

A flock of commentators immediately lit up social media declaring the grace-preaching New Testament professor had no idea he was on a black-diamond run as he hurtled down the near-vertical decline.

Theological opponents of the professor pounced, certain the only thing that could explain the precipitous descent was an overdose of gossip juice, consumed on an empty theological stomach.

Nothing else, claimed critics, could account for any deviation from the bunny slopes of committee-approved biblical insight.


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