Pastor Michael Reynolds has a massive headache, and it’s not from too many rounds of “Bringing in the Sheaves” on Sabbath mornings. No, his migraine stems from a certain oft-repeated phrase that seems to haunt his every move at the Manna Valley Adventist Church: “The church is not a building.”
Reynolds’ current mission? Raise funds to construct a glorious new wing to the church edifice, featuring a commercial-grade kitchen, a sports court for the Pathfinders, and a decaf café lounge cleverly named “Holy Grounds.” But this mantra questioning the very premise of church infrastructure keeps rearing its ugly head.
“I’ll be giving an inspiring presentation about the importance of modern facilities for outreach and hospitality,” Reynolds laments, “And then, like clockwork, Brother Jason pipes up – ‘But Pastor, the church is not a building.’ Yeah, I got that memo back in seminary, thanks.”
The pastor’s plight began innocently enough. During a business meeting last year, he proposed the new wing as a way to attract more young families and create space for community programs. “With amenities like these, we can really be a light to our neighborhood!” Reynolds proclaimed with zeal.
That’s when Sister Eleanor, who has attended Manna Valley since the Truman administration, raised her wizened hand. “Don’t forget, the church is not a building, dear,” she intoned sagely, as if bestowing an ancient Adventist proverb.
From that point on, Reynolds found himself in a bizarre theological debate every time he tried rallying support for the construction project. He tried rationalizing, “Sure, the church is the body of believers, but we need a facilitity to gather that body!” Inevitably, someone would sanctimoniously quote, “For where two or three are gathered…”
The pastor even experimented with reverse psychology during sermons. “You know, maybe we don’t need a new wing at all. After all, the church is not a building, right?” He’d pause meaningfully, hoping the congregation would then clamor for upgrades. Instead, he was met with vigorous nods of agreement.
As the exasperated pastor’s fliers and promotional materials piled up like bones in the valley of dry vision, one particularly snarky young adult even started an Instagram account: @NotABuildingMemes. Suddenly, Reynolds found himself Photoshopped into scenes like the Israelites wandering the desert, with the caption, “Pretty sure the Tabernacle was, in fact, a building.”
In moments of desperation, Reynolds has considered drastic rebranding. “Maybe if I call it the Manna Valley Adventist Fellowship Experience Center, people will think it’s not actually part of the church?”
For now, the beleaguered pastor clings to his biggest supporters – the elementary-aged Pathfinders who consistently echo, “We want a new gym for our meetings!” Yes, Pastor Reynolds may have lost the rhetorical battle with his philosophizing congregants. But if those youths keep nagging their parents with visions of dodgeball and unicycle practice, he just might win the funding war.
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